F.A.M.I.L.Y. ?

Do I Really Have a FAMILY ??

         Family means a lot for everyone..Family is the most important thing in developing the early life in child as they will grown up and their mentality in unstable state of mind.. Why I spoke of it because I don't even know what has happened with my family..Parents will always said that don't make your parents divorce as an excuse for you to be a wild child..You create your own path of life..but they don't even remember that WE was created for them as their RESPONSIBILITIES and THEY are the one whom has to lead us to the right path..Maybe there are still a lot of other kids who had SOOOOO much family problem than mine but I really can't take it ! I didn't know to whom I shall speak about and all I can do is just keep myself shut ! Thats all what I've been doing since I was 13..I have no bad intention towards my parents by writing this post but I have to let it out ! Sometimes I felt like I just want to ran away but when I get to my sense it was not worth to do..I hate being a BALL between my mom and dad.. Theres no doubt that I don't love them sooo much that I'm willling to die for them if have to.. I love BOTH of them more than anything & everything in this world..Just don't torture me like this !

         I'm pity with my other siblings..It's not they don't love you mom..they just a kid that doesn't know how to express their feelings when they are pushed to that pressure ! That explain the act that they've been doing all the time..but you just mix it with your anger and barely able to see the true meaning of it..You oftenly had a fight or problems with your new husband and let it out on us..then you ALWAYS use your motherhood power against us..YOU..YOU are the one who want it this way...We're just blaming you on this..You always said that we never thought about your feelings..have you thought about OURS???? We can only shut our mouth..We are hopeless in fighting you back ! You're our MOM !! How could we??????? It's not like we didn't care about all the times that you have been taking care of us when our DAD screwed up...kata-kata seorang ibu itu amat kuat..mana taknye kalau dah setiap butir yg kluar dari mulut mak tu semuanya negatif..maka doa untuk anak2 pon negatif ...Astaghfirrullahhalazim....mana mampu kami menentang mak..namun hati yang meronta2 ni Allah S.W.T shj yg tahu...kami tak minta ditolak macam bola..minta faham lah keadaan..Itu pon lagi sibuk nak anak baru..kononnye..Mak rasa kitorg sisihkan mak..hakikatnya Mak yg mensisihkan kitorg..sampai sanggup cakap dah tak tahan dgn kitorg..mana pegi 'tak boleh hidup tanpa anak2' mak?? Macam ni ke?? Kadang2 rasa berdosa je bila fikir nak tinggal kan mak sorg2..Kitorang rasa macam mak dah tak nak kitorg ni lagii sebab dah ada hidup baru..Sedih sangat bila fikirkan..Memang tersangat sedih hati ni.. Sampai dah tahap macam tuu skali kitorg berfikir...Allahhuakbar.. ! Abah pon..tolong lah berubah..bende bukan sebelah pihak je yg kene tanggung..dua belah pihak pon penting...tolng lah ubah sikap tuu..kami dah tak larat nak hadap dilema nii.. dah tak sanggup..kesian dkat adik2 yg kecik2 lagi tuu..Ya Allah..begitu sukar ujian yang kau bagi !!! Aku hanya mampu redha Ya Allah...